I love weddings. No matter the type of ceremony, religious or secular, indoor or outdoor, traditional or invented, in my experience there is just one wedding that is repeated over and over again. They all make me cry, in joy and a little longing for things imagined, things lost, and the potential of it all.
So when I watched the father-daughter dance at a friends’ wedding last Sunday, I cried for the tenderness and pride he showered on her, for the lack of a father-daughter dance at my own wedding, for the loss of my father. And instead of mourning him, I realized that to honor him I should cherish myself as he cherished me. Essentially, it is up to me to keep that feeling of love alive.
Dad, you would have been 76 this past week. Happy Birthday. I bought myself a gigantic bright orange purse from you on your Birthday. I hope you like it. It makes me smile, and that’s what you would have wanted.
When I was young, we had to choose an instrument at school. I chose the flute, and was in the middle of the large pack of young ladies in band.
“Flute players” made available through creative commons by Christina Matheson, on flickr
Eventually I dropped out during high school, pursuing other activities instead. Although I was a mediocre musical student, I have always been grateful for my musical education. My experience gives me a sense of the excellence and precision in the music I hear and a working knowledge of the instruments and mechanics within the group. And it helped give my brain something to do while I listen to the music with my heart and body.
Yet, I haven’t always been as appreciative of my choice of instrument, and I have wondered if I chose poorly. The flute…well…it’s a lot girly. And I am tall and knew others regarded tall girls as unfeminine. In that context, I can interpret my choice of the flute as some kind of rejection of who I was at that time (tall, awkward, different) in favor of some ideal diminutive, soft femininity. Basically, I have wondered if the flute was my beard.
Well, last night I attended Gabriel Kahane and yMusic‘s concert at the University Musical Society on North Campus of UM. yMusic is an ensemble of three string and three wind instrument players. One of the musicians, Alex Sopp, played the flute, piccolo, and a longer flute (the bass flute?). Listening to her play, as her notes dashed and trilled and leapt with precision and grace, I knew the real reason for my flute crush. The flute is a beautiful instrument, and echoes the happy music of the birds in the forest (e.g. the beautiful call of the wood thrush).
So thanks, Alex, for helping me forgive my younger choice and reconnecting me to that sound.
A flute isn’t necessarily a beard. It is its own beautiful source of grace and lightness. As my dad would say, recalling a quote attributed (unproven) to Freud “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”.
I’m knitting a laceweight shawl/wrap. It has been both fun and challenging. The stitch pattern is easy (diagonal paired yarn-overs every 45-some stitches), but the needle is small and the yarn is very fine. I cast on 481 stitches to start, and I am knitting with a size 3 needle and will knit something like 1,500 yards of laceweight yarn. Just based on the number of stitches – 481 * 200 rows = 96K stitches….it is an ambitious project. Even though it will be small and light, that’s about double the yarn yardage for a sweater.
Whisper wrap, close up. You can see the lifelines (dental floss…!) at the top.
I started to use a lifeline in the project after I dropped stitches at the lacy/yarn-over part and could not recover. A lifeline is a thread “sewn” through the row that lets you rip back a good place and restart if things go awry. I’m using dental floss, but really any yarn would do. It’s a very handy technique. As I’ve knit this wrap, I have dutifully been moving 2 lifelines up the shawl.
I brought this project on our trip to France this fall–knitting on the plane and in the car. I had hoped to finish the wrap ahead of my trip, and I imagined looking chic at an amazing French meal with the wrap cozily around my shoulders. Well, I did not finish in time, and so I resigned myself to enjoying working on my project in France instead of wearing it in France.
I was down to the last 50-some rows, 75-80% through by the time the trip was finished. We got to the airport, and as normal, went through security. We were in the separate line for NYC- and USA-bound planes. Since soon after 9/11, I have been able to bring knitting and its needles on plane trips without incident. So, it did not occur to me that the knitting in my carry-on could cause a problem. Well, my heart dropped into my ankles when the X-Ray operator asked me what the pointy things were in my backpack. I searched for the words in French – we never learned “knitting needles” in French class. I said it was “to knit” or “tricoter”.
I pulled the needles out of my backpack, of course the needles were through something like 60K stitches of laceweight yarn and weeks of work which might unravel completely if separated. The operator did not know if they were permitted, she had to talk to her supervisor. She said that they had different rules in Nice, even if we normally were permitted to carry on the knitting in the US, it might not be allowed here. The supervisor came over, they spoke rapidly in French and I could not keep up, but I heard “aiguilles a tricoter” (knitting needles).
I imagined having to pull my needles out and hand them over to French TSA. I imagined my project fraying back to some earlier date, turning into a big knotty mess I’d need hours to triage and repair.
In the end, they said that my knitting needles were “special” and they let me keep them. Perhaps the operator recognized the delicacy of the puff of knitting attached, or perhaps knitting needles are allowed after all.
Only after the terror subsided did I realize that I had two lifelines in place so even if I had to remove the needles and hand them over, most of my knitting would be intact, the wrap would have survived.
New lessons for the paranoid knitter:
don’t take anything for granted. put a lifeline in before going through security, just in case!
consider bamboo over metal needles for travel, it may look less scary on an X-ray screen!
knitting needles are “les aiguilles a tricoter” in French.
I enjoyed a recent repeated episode from NPR’s On Being that discusses the way the brain works, and how we can choose influences for our brain.
I identified just a little with Richard Davidson. The part that struck me was just a moment in the longer interview where he acknowledges how he kept two interests apart (science and contemplative practice). In the 1990s he “came out” and pursued the scientific study of the effects of meditation on the brain of Buddhist monks, finding interesting things. Davidson is now applying teaching kids and adults simple strategies of meditation practices to address concerns such as ADHD and autism. This work is incomplete, but intriguing nonetheless.
Candle light, made available through Creative Commons by Alesa Dam on Flickr
Not that these things are necessarily opposed, but there is some rejection of religion, mysticism, and spirituality in the culture around science (at least that’s my experience of science graduate school in the 1990s). Given that meditation practices originate in religious traditions such as Hinduism and Buddhism….Well, scientific inquiry and spiritual practices don’t seem to go together. On the other hand, many scientists are meditators. So they’re not entirely opposed.
In my own life, I’ve kept these things separate, rarely mixing the friends or conversations I have from each sphere. Only recently (after a gap of maybe 10 years…) have I brought friends from other spheres to my meditation center. I can rationalize this as no one being interested and me being afraid to evangelize, but I expect I participated by not giving others a chance to express their interest because I never mentioned it.
In my experience, when I’m withholding part of myself from a conversation or a moment, I am hobbling myself and limiting what I can contribute. So, I’m inspired to more fully integrate the perspective of my meditation practice into my daily life.
My mom in her first career as a high school English teacher
I spoke on “Writing for On-Screen Consumption: Tips, Tools & Techniques” at the Original Equipment Suppliers Association – Automotive Public Relations Council meeting on February 28, 2012. Quick summary here: APRC Meeting Teaches Not So Old Dogs Some New Tricks.
I used the career changes my mom has had in her lifetime and her passion for learning to illustrate the nimbleness required to keep current. I also mentioned a few free tools helpful for writing to be read on screen and to be found online. Longer descriptions and the motivation for these tools can be found in our book!
Writing for On-Screen Reading
Techniques
write to be skimmed – people read only about 20% of the words on a web page (source)
Pro Tip: Insights for Search provides a quick visual to support keyword choices, the AdWords tool provides deeper insight and more alternatives.
Upcoming Events
Wednesday March 14, 2012, I will emcee the Princeton University and Michigan All-Ivy Club “Global Net Night” event where regional associations all around the world will meet to network with other local Princetonians (and other Ivy Leaguers) and hear a presentation by Mark Gilman of MCCI on Personal Branding.
